idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
