Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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