so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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