we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
