I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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