After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
