Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
