look no pants
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
