I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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