Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
