Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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