And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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