her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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