you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
