i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
