So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And then he peed in my hair
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