So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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