I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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