I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
