If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
