An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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