yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
