I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She needs sedatives and a leash
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
