I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
