Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
