I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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