I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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