your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
