he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
