dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize