i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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