And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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