You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
foreskin is a definite game changer
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
