How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize