ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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