How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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