I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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