Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
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I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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