based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
