plz talk dirty to me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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