I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
