I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
