why didn't you poke me back
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
