you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
