Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
