How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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