Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
vagina is talking i cant
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
