Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
