There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
