I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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