There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I will pee on everything he values.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
