i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
