return my video game
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
