I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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