yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
