dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
