Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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