did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
