Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
