Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My liver just had a heart attack.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
