so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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