Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
