Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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