Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
