you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Green mimosas i think yes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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