Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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