ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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