After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
