You really coming over, don't trick.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
