woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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