I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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