i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I could fuck to npr.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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