I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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