White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
