We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
