No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
