Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
