i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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