I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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