If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
