I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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