Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
